Five Years Ago?

Right now, I'm in the middle of my exam week. Just today, I'd say I had the toughest paper for this semester. Toughest, in the sense that, lecturer's not helping much, slides were confusing me even more, and honestly I don't even know what I did this whole semester. In a blink of an eye, I'm going home this weekend. o.o It's funny how things turned out, after watching many episodes of How I Met Your Mother, yes, I can rewatch it thousands of times, this episode just got me thinking like, how did I get here? If you asked me 5 years ago, where do I see myself in the next 5 years? I'd honestly tell you I don't know. 5 years ago, I had no idea what I wanted to do in life, having no distinct preferred interest or exceptional abilities in anything at all, I was a mere.. mediocrity. *.* Even though I just read this article on how being mediocre is totally fine, it still gets to you, you know? I wanted so many things; art, engineer, science, medicine, you name it and I can imagine myself being one. But now in this moment of time, I'm in the path of becoming a Social Scientist. Have you heard of it before? I sure haven't heard of it before, 5 years ago. Thing is, I love what I'm doing and it gives me this passion to look up to my lecturers who have knowledge that knows no horizon. ahaha.


Just.. Where am I headed to in 5 more years? Am I even gonna have a job? What do Social Scientists  even do? T_______T When I look at people my age that has accomplished so much more in life, it really makes me wonder what have I been doing my entire life? I'm 22 this year; so that's 22 years of......? I wouldn't say I'm not happy with where I am right now, but, seriously, I envy those people who knows exactly what they want to do with their lives and work their asses for it.

Love Letters to the Dead.

To Read.

I think I should make it a point to note down the books that I read, since I love to read. But honestly, I don't know much about writing reviews or anything. @@ Just.. whatever goes, alright? I bought this book because I was going through list of books to buy on Pinterest when I stumbled upon books that Emma Watson liked. And, truly, I admire Emma Watson because:

1. We share the same birthdate. :P
2. Her HeForShe campaign.
3. I know she's all brains AND beauty.
4. She's really, really hot. T_T

Anyway, I read the synopsis and I thought, hmm.. Pretty interesting. I enjoyed this book, it has quite a bit of literature in it, and it's sort of targeting young adults, but it has its deeper meaning to it. And yeah, it's all in the form of letters, which is pretty much like The Perks of Being A Wallflower. This girl, Laurel, she's trying to cope with her loss. Her sister, May, died a year ago and she still couldn't come to terms with herself because she felt guilty for her death. It's a pleasant read with a hint of love story with Sky, this cool, mysterious dude that actually knew her sister, so that's one thing in common. But, Laurel, having felt as a shadow of her sister's vibrant personality can't help but wish that she was more like her. She tried to be like May, even started dressing like her, but.. they're really different. And May had secrets in the first place which Laurel was trying to deny because she believes her sister to be perfect.

A few of my favourite quotes from the book. =)


And this quote, I could really relate to, especially at this stage of life where I can obviously see the changes that is inevitable among my friends, family, all the relationships that I hold dear to my heart. I truly miss all those times.


Here's a short excerpt from the book:

"There was something shattered in me, and now he saw it. No one could fix it. I had tried to be brave like May, to be bright and free and a bolt of stars, but I couldn't. I wasn't. He'd seen it. He had opened the door to the underneath part of it where I was just her little sister, who couldn't save her or anything. Bad and wrong and it was all my fault. All at once, the blackbirds flew off the trees. Like there was a thing that told them when to go. To some secret place in the sky, before they would have to come back down and find new trees. I think I went with them, but I wasn't sure if I would ever land again."

Too much thinking.


Time has started to really slow down around here. With all of my assignments done, and study break looming in my face, I really have plenty of time in my hands. Initially, it felt good to not feel stressed or weighed down by work, but being the workaholic that I am, I think I'm starting to feel it, the pulling of the edges of my mind to be focused on something. Maybe I should be focusing on my finals, but too bad, I'm not. It just seems so far away right now.Thing is, I'm not even comfortable in my own home. I've noticed that I get a lot more short fused that I used to be but.. Maybe it's because there's nothing much for me to look forward to here. Sure enough, I can count the number of things that make me feel comfortable here. Things have gotten complicated around the house, and with guests, and such, I've just grown accustomed to being locked up in my room. My roommate gives me comfort, and solidarity too. But I still need space from all this. 

Truth be told, I miss my boyfriend so much, and I miss home so much. In a way, I'm running away from reality because I'm just putting of to-do things off, I'm just procrastinating, wasting away, doing anything but work. Nothing is urgent right now, and nothing has to be. I want to just sit around and read and write and dream but.. sometimes, it gets to me. So many things have changed, and it really upsets me in some way that those simplistic things that I took for granted back in high school? Yeah, I really miss that. I miss my girlfriends, cuz they don't seem to be around for me anymore. I miss my parents, when I had to rely on them and not be so independent. I miss my brothers, when we could just wrestle around all day and they'd know all these cool gadget or game stuff that just sparks my interests. I miss all of that, and so much more, but that's the truth of life.

You can't turn back time, no matter how much you want to. It's just like how Barry Allen finally gets his chance to go back to the past to save his mother from being killed, but in the end, he didn't do it. Because he knows that although he had the power to change time, time is an infinite continuum that keeps going on and on and what he has right now is what he should be grateful for. Many opportunities open to me to make new friends to be closer to people, but I constantly push them away because I'm stuck with the ideal of my friends that's in my mind. And they would never feel the same. I just wish the people that matters to me, feel the same way too.

Jay Sern visits!

To Travel.

One of my longest awaited moments in this semester, my boyfriend comes to visit! =) I had a really hectic semester and all I really needed was a getaway to forget all the stress I had to go through. Even though he came right in the middle of my assignment deadlines, I couldn't have been happier to see him. Having him around always makes me 999x happier. I still had classes then, but short classes, so
the rest of the times were spent with him. I was excited to show him my life here, because, truly, I'd want him to know how it's like here. Since he's been to Kuching several times before, it was a really chill trip, doing things spontaneously, no elaborate plans, just going with the flow. That's how we are, and I love us for that.





My coursemates even contacted my boyfriend to give me a really belated birthday surprise. So sweet of them! I was really really touched. <3











I can't wait till we meet again. =) 3 more months.

Road Trip.

To Travel.

I've honestly been feeling a little lost, a little depressed, a little down lately, and.. I don't know why. Is it the feeling of longing for home after a long stressful period? well, probably. But what I know is that I was really looking forward to this trip, and it turned out to be real good. Just a road trip with my coursemates, and I'm ever so grateful for them. =) The great escape I needed. It was Gawai, but we didn't visit any kampung, just opted to spend time at the beach. I've missed taking pictures so much, the colors that I could capture really made me happy. =) I should really use my camera more! :D
And we are all stories, in the end.